Patiently waiting (I am not good at this)….

Step 11: I sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for me, and the power to carry that out.

As I work through the 12 steps I spend a lot of time looking back. I think about the wrong things I have done. As I work in the recovery process I find I will need strength to move along that path God wants me to follow. Part of this strength will come as I realize that God’s constant presence is with me.

I am learning that from this point on, when I look back, I benefit from seeing the ‘wonders’ He has performed and remember His miracles in my life. I look around and I can see goodness and I look forward to the fulfillment of His promises. I thank God for what He has done. I seek Him for strength. I ask Him to fulfill His promises for me for tomorrow.

In meditation of this recovery process we need to remember our victories (no matter what size) and consider His faithfulness and the hope He gives us for tomorrow.

Secrets we hid have enormous power in our life. How many of our addictive/compulsive behaviors have been hidden or covered up? When we take this step to admit the exact nature of our wrongs we can know that addiction has lost some of its power.

In the past my addiction was my hiding place when things in my life were overwhelming. Now that I am in recovery, life at times can feel even more overwhelming. I am learning to find a new refuge to escape the storms of life and to find protection.

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence. I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from my enemies. “The waves of death overwhelmed me; floods of destruction swept over me. The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death laid a trap in my path. But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I cried to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry reached his ears.

“God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. For who is God except the Lord? Who but our God is a solid rock? God is my strong fortress, and he makes my way perfect.

~ 2 Samuel 22:2-7, 31-33

There will always be times when we feel we need to run and hide… the need to find a ‘safe place’. God can be that hiding place. When we are distressed and surrounded by the waves of death in our old like to sin, we called to God for help, He heard our cries and brought us to a safe place. He’s always there, ready to shield and protect us whenever we call on Him.

I tend to only turn to God for the help He can give me, namely, His power to free me from the power of my dependencies and my hurts. As I have discovered how wonderful He is and how much He loves me, I tend to draw nearer to Him because of the joy I experience in His presence.

The one thing I ask of the Lord - the thing I seek most - is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple. For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high above my enemies who surround me. At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy, singing and praising the Lord with music.

~ Psalm 27:4-6

God is always there… but we are not always aware of His presence. Our relationship with God usually begins with His meeting our desperate needs. But when we begin to focus on getting to know God as an end in itself, we will discover that He will give us what we have always desired – the joy of being close to our loving Creator. Then we will see that He can be trusted with every area of our life.

Most of us need to desire something before we will wholeheartedly seek after it. Until we sincerely believe that God has completely forgiven us, we will be ashamed to face him. If we hold to our misconceptions about God, this step will be a challenging chore rather than a joy.

I want to recover as quickly as possible. It’s so hard for me to be patient as I am waiting for the process to work. I realize I didn't get to this place of addiction overnight and I know I cannot undo a lifetime of damage in just a few moments. BUT still it is a challenge for me to wait patiently. This step requires that I learn to wait on God.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

~ Isaiah 40:31

The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.
~ Lamentations 3:25-26

Waiting on the Lord has its rewards.  We can remain calm when it appears that we aren’t’ making any progress in recovery. God give us strength and stamina to bear up under the strain so that we don’t faint or collapse under it.

Sometimes we don’t want to know Gods will because there are too many areas in our life that we aren’t ready to deal with yet. Recovery is a process… we may be ready to pray for Gods will in some areas but feel uncomfortable having God expose those roots into the areas that are still hidden in shame.

When we are hiding in sin… hiding parts of our life that bring shameful behavior and wanting to hold on to our addiction, the darkness seems to be our friend, but we need God’s light to keep us from stumbling. We don’t need to be afraid anymore because when we has for sincere forgiveness we can know that God will forgive us and that He will guide us on the right path.