God does not get angry when we come to Him repeatedly for our sins…

Step 10: I continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong promptly admit it.

We all have particular weaknesses and it’s often helpful to establish personal boundary lines to support these weak areas.  I grow impatient with myself when I continue to commit the same mistakes over and over and over again. This has definitely caused discouragement and has at times caused me to relapse. Learning to wait patiently is an important character trait that I want to develop.  Each time I admit sin and accept God’s forgiveness, my hope and faith have a chance to be exercised and grow stronger. I no longer have to hide in shame every time I slip... I can admit my wrongs and move on.

God loves for us should reaffirmed every time we rely on it. In this way God helps us hold our heads high no matter what happens.

I have a hard time dealing with anger and hurt. I tend to stifle my feelings. I tend to shut down feelings, pretending they don’t exist. I never allowed myself to express them in the past. Some of my problems stem from not knowing how to express anger or hurt properly so I have learned to avoid dealing with it altogether. I try to put it off and hope it goes away. BUT this has often lead to the use of alcohol in the past and I am afraid if I don’t learn to ‘deal’ in a healthy way there will be times of definite struggle. Evaluating how to deal with anger appropriately is an important part of my daily inventory. Setting boundaries with others should help me to deal with these issues in a healthy way.

Dealing with anger promptly is important because when it is left to fester it becomes bitterness. Bitterness is anger that has been buried and given time to grow.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ forgave you” Ephesians 4:31-32

AA teaches us that we should never let ourselves get too hungry, lonely, or tired.  We can help accomplish this by promptly dealing with our anger when it occurs.

It is amazing what humans can achieve through consistent disciplined effort. Continuing our regular personal inventory requires self-discipline. Spiritual strength and agility come only through practice. We need to develop our spiritual muscles through consistent effort and daily discipline. Continuing to take a personal inventory is one discipline we need to develop. Results won’t happen overnight but as we continue to practice these disciplines each day, we will eventually reap the benefits. Recovery is a lifelong process. There will be times that we will grow weary and want to throw in the towel. We will experience pain, fear, and a host of other emotions. We will win some battles but lose others in this war to achieve wholeness. We will get discouraged at times when we can’t see any progress, even though we have been working hard. But, if we persevere though it all, we can maintain the ground we have gained.  If we stop working our program before reaching the goal, we may lose everything we have fought, trained, gained and worked for.

I know I must routinely look at my spiritual self and if anything is wrong I can take proper steps to fix it.

Sometimes I feel awkward about bringing my recurring sins before God. I have often been embarrassed by the number of times I have had to deal with the same issues – issues that stubbornly refuse to be washed away. I often travel around the same mountain until I am wore out from the journey. I imagine that God is collecting a long list of repeated offenses to be used against me. But, I know God will forgive me, even when I keep repeating the same offenses… as long as I am truly repentant.

Some areas of my life needs more cleaning than others.  I have learned that God doesn't get angry when I come back to Him repeatedly. There is no need to feel awkward. God wants me to come to Him every time I sin.

I am so thankful that God doesn’t give up on me when I give up on myself.  I am so glad that God continues to love me when I do not feel very lovable. I am so thankful that I am on a good road… a road where I have learned a great deal about myself and what I need to do to stay sober and to improve my health. I am blessed to be at 18 months sobriety!!  Thank You God for seeing me to this point in my journey. Thank You for giving me more knowledge everyday about recovery and addiction.  I am not where I need to be but I am further along than I used to be.