Life goes on...

This time of year is so hard to get through... November - February. My kids give me hope and help me to enjoy it to a degree. Beyond that I just wish we didn't have to even go through them.

3 big things that happened this time of year in my that I am already thinking about...

My dad died on Dec. 23... going to be 3 years!!  So hard to believe.

Jan 1 1997 - I took the kids and left Joe. The FINAL time. Started a whole new life. One of the most painful things I ever did... I truly loved that man but couldn't handle the pain that he brought to us. Every year is a reminder of the loss/failure... but its also a reminder of strength.

Then the relationship I thought was 'the one' started and ended Jan-Feb. Still not completely past this for some reason. It crushes me to think that he is just believing lies of the enemy... I don't know what else to do??  I don't know why my heart still just aches???

BUT life goes on... even through loss... through anxiety... through pain... and we go on the best we can.

I wish I could make people understand the anxiety these months bring to me... I know some don't understand why I want to just stay home... its nothing against anyone... it just works better for me. I don't sit home feeling bad... I sit home feeling comfort. I have always loved to just be at home... this is my comfortable place. I try to go out and I always 'make it' but its not easy. Used to drink to get through that time too and it helped... now that isn't an option ;-).

The 'whys' of drinking...

I drank a good part of 30 years… hard to believe when I came to that realization that it could really be true. 15-45… 30 years.  There were periods of time in between I didn't drink but honestly it was never more than a couple of months at a time… longest periods were during pregnancy but then it wasn't complete abstinence.

I really don’t know why I started drinking at 15. My life was pretty good. Had a good home and a good family. I know my parents loved me. Being 1 or 8 was part of it I suppose. Feeling a little like I didn't really matter. We were often told if I were going to drink we should drink at home. I don’t think this was approval to drink this was just a ‘safety’ precaution? Don’t drink and drive… don’t do stupid shit when you are drinking. Drinking at home was much safer I am sure. Some drinking I did at home but most was hidden.  I always felt like what I did really didn't matter one way or the other. I was just ok... no matter what happened.

I wonder if I had had the education about alcohol that my kids received in family treatment if I still would have chosen the things I did. Coming from an alcoholic family drinking was the last thing I should have done. I did not know my biological father but I do know from stories from numerous family members that he was an alcoholic. I knew my mom drank some when I was really little… not so much after we moved to Missouri. After moving to Missouri with my step dad… my DAD… My parents only drank on occasions… when they did though I have to say from memories they did it up good! I have some fond memories of my lovable dad having heart to hearts with the ‘dogs’ about how much he loved us all…. Memories of mom sick… oh man did she get sick after drinking… I did NOT get her gene… I should have!!

I think about the WHYS… what caused me to start in the first place… I think the fact that it didn't really seem to matter to anyone was the biggest thing but I LOVED it… loved the taste… loved the way it made me feel…. I was hooked from the first time…. After that it was just something I did and as stupid as it sounds it was something I was good at!! I felt inferior in a lot of ways…. I wasn't good at school… finding something you were good at was important…  It always made me feel ‘proud’ in a way when someone would say “I cannot believe how much you can drink and you don’t even seem like you have had that much” or “you are so little how can you drink so much”.

Now after I turned 23 and met Joe and married him… that is when things really changed… the drinking wasn't to be cool anymore or to prove something. Then it became a safety net… Joe was a much nicer man when he was drinking. It never made sense to me but he would mellow out and just be easy going… things didn't piss him off as easy… usually abusive men tend to be worse with booze… maybe if he drank harder stuff it would have been different? I hear whiskey doesn't mellow them out? We still stuck to beer, wine, tequila or vodka… or a little of each of them in one night. I pushed the booze… saved a lot of fighting!!  Without the alcohol there was too much chaos.  So after about 9 years of living like that one learns to depend on it. I think about our biggest fights… the ones where I end up with bruises or stitches… NO alcohol involved but most definitely his ‘little side business’ was the culprit. Some of you know what I am talking about…  this ‘little business’ ended up being the reason I left him and turned him in. There was a short period of time I was open to smoking the marijuana but it was very short lived… did NOT like that stuff at all. His little illegal business made him crazier than he was… I think had we not been so worried about getting caught and so suspicious… maybe we would have made it?  I don’t know… I just wonder. He did time for that ‘little business’ but I moved on without him.

So by this time it was too late for me in the drinking aspect of my life. I wanted to stop but it had such a hold on me. I am pretty sure that any one that KNEW me knew I was a drinker… I am also pretty sure by comments since I went to treatment that people didn’t really KNOW or didn't want to admit I had a problem. I was raising babies on my own… scared to death that something bad was going to happen after turning Joe in and him doing time and me taking his kids away from him… I lived a life of constant fear for my life and for the life of my kids for the next 10 years.

Drinking was still always a part of my life… even when I was broke I managed to get my booze. Something I am NOT proud of… friends and family loaned me money so many times I can’t even count so I could make ends meet but buying booze was always the reason I never had enough to make ends meet. God always provided!!!  People always came through!!  And I still screwed up!!! 

I love to say my kids were always first…. My kids came first…. That was true of everything but the alcohol…  I think I did a pretty good job raising my kids… pretty amazing actually for all they didn't have and for the things they missed out on. No dad and sometimes not much of a mom….

I stayed single all these years… that was one promise I made to God…. I would NOT repeat the relationship thing… I knew enough to know that it was highly in my favor to get right back into the same type of relationship (or worse) and I refused to do that to my kids. I knew too many women in my same position that were constantly moving from one man to another… one relationship to another… one abusive situation to another… I also knew the chances of my kids being abused would increase each time… I was smart enough to know the risks… I avoided them!!

So, in times of loneliness I drank… in times of shame I drank… when I was hurt I drank… pissed - I drank… happy – I drank….  In times of celebration or pain…. I drank. It was my way of coping. I hid in it…. But it just continually got harder and harder to keep it hidden and it just wasn't giving me what I needed any more….

It was good I had someone that I can be totally honest with and be myself with because she knew what to say… she always knows what to say!!  She helped me to realize where I was headed if I didn't stop…. What had been mostly just a mental thing was now becoming physical. I was sick all the time… stomach issues getting increasingly worse… not being able to eat was getting worse. Anxiety and stress were increasing… suicidal thoughts/feelings were increasing.

So now there was treatment… I have to say that was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life!!! Sitting in an evaluation was horrifying… being in withdrawal at the time was just a BONUS of horrifying!!  (Alcohol withdrawal was the worst thing I ever went through physically). Starting treatment was equally horrifying… I think I cried through my whole first night… I cried before going and I cried during and I cried after! The first few times were so intense… there were nights (family nights) that were soooo intense… my family times wasn't horrifying but it was tough to hear some of the things my kids had to say… but after getting into a routine and learning how it worked and having a counselor as awesome as the one I had I was NOT ready to be done at the end of it… it was scary leaving… thinking I wasn't going to make it without group and my counselor.  Well, I didn't make it long… barely 6 months!!  Moving to Missouri right after treatment was the wrong choice… well, maybe not? I learned that I love North Dakota… this IS my home. IF I had not moved to Missouri I would not have ended up with the apartment we have now and I really think I would have stayed in the job I was in which at the time was pretty toxic. Treatment the second time was NOT as scary… and I think I worked a little harder and took it more serious. Paying for 2 rounds of treatment was NOT nice!!  NO insurance…. Treatment is NOT cheap!!!! 

BUT now I am feeling so much better physically... sometimes mentally. Sometimes the mental part is still a struggle. Learning new coping skills has been tough… it’s easy to fall back into ‘old habits’.  It is most definitely a journey of “ONE DAY AT A TIME”. 

I think the things I am most thankful for today is a restored relationship with my kids, new found friendships (I have met and became friends with some amazing women through this journey) and the old friendships that have grown!! 

I am truly blessed!!! 

A little 'drinking' history...

I started drinking when I was 15 yrs old. I did not drink real often just when I could get it… I really liked it.  From my first taste on I always liked it… the taste and the way it made me feel.  From 15-19 I drank a few times a month and usually just beer or wine coolers.  After turning 20 I knew more people I could get booze from so my intake increased a little more too about 6-7 times a month. 

When I turned 21… this is when it all changed!  I worked at Hillcrest Lanes (restaurant & bowling alley) as a cook.  My 21st birthday party was held at the Back Door Lounge… what a party!!  I remember people buying me drinks and me drinking them. My mom kept telling me I was going to get sick… ha ha… I should have told her then that I could drink pretty much anything I wanted to drink and mix pretty much anything I wanted and I felt fine and didn't get sick!!!  I drank a lot that night and from that night on I was pretty much a permanent fixture in that place!! 

From 21-22 I would be there 3-4 nights a week for sure… sometimes more…. Sometimes less…A normal night would include 3-6 beers, a mixed drink here and there and always a few shots… vodka and tequila were always ‘my’ choice.  After 22 though it increased to 4-5 nights a week… by the time I met Joe when I was 23 I was drinking 4-5 nights a week and drinking 5-7 beers, several mixed drinks, 3-4 shots (again tequila). 

My tolerance was increasing… I felt like I could drink A LOT before people could tell I was drunk and I very rarely got sick from it.  Headaches and stomach ache were the normal but rarely threw up.  There were many, many, many nights my folks drove all the way to Lamar to pick me up because I was too drunk to drive… oh yes… there were many nights I was drunk but still felt like I had enough control to drive myself… how scary huh??

When I was 23 I got married and we drank at home. We always had booze in the house. 24-26 yrs we drank at least 5 nights a week.  I rarely went to bed without having some drink. 6-8 beers or a few glasses of wine… shots of tequila was a pretty normal night… sometimes just beer…. Sometimes just wine… but almost always a shot or two to make me feel good.

The only time I didn't drink heavily was the time frame I had kids… I was drinking when I found out I was pregnant but cut way back during the pregnancies… not completely stopped… would have one now and then… usually just a little glass of wine… no shots..

When I was 30 I left Joe… this was in 1997… this was the last and final break. Moved to ND. Lived with Renee for about 6 months.  Did not drink during this time but after moving into our own apartment I started drinking again. In that first year I tried to pace myself… it was hard to buy it because I didn't always have enough money. BUT I always managed to get it when I wanted it. I would say in that next year I was right back to drinking the amounts I was drinking when I stopped at age 26. There was always a steady increase in tolerance so a little more booze was needed to reach the same affect I wanted. I would go through times where I tried to stop… I would cut back and allow myself only a certain amount but that didn't work… before long I would be right back where I left off and then more. By the time I was 39 I was drinking at least 5-6 nights a week 6-8 beers, couple glasses of wine, shots of tequila. Tolerance was very high… and my ability to mix drinks was still in full force. I knew I was in trouble when I started drinking the tequila by the bottle…  My drinking increased heavily after my dad died in Dec 2011. Now we are talking feeling sick… throwing up… passing out… not remembering.

With the help of my trusted friend, Linda pushing me to seek help… I called Heartview and got an appointment with Brenda for an evaluation.  I was going through withdrawals when I was doing my evaluation (withdrawal is by far worse than any drunken state I had been in). I started intensive outpatient treatment in May 2012. Went through treatment 3 months/3 nights a week/3 hrs a night. Finished treatment in July 2012 and moved to Missouri the end of July.  Kept my job here in ND (worked remotely) and flew back once in a while to work. Started drinking again in Sept. while working in ND.  First night was just a couple of beers and the next I don’t even remember what I drank, where we went or how I got back to my bed at Elaine’s… I do however remember feeling worthless… feeling like a failure and knowing that this was not going to be an easy road.  I started sneaking beer here and there so the kids wouldn't see me drinking. I knew this was not going to change but only get worse so I moved BACK to ND and planned to start treatment at Heartview a second time.

The last night I drank (Nov 11 or 12, 2012) I do not remember much of that night at all… I drank at home… in my bedroom… in hiding… I had a 1.75 of Tequila Silver…. This was a Sunday night… started drinking on Sat. night… had just a few shots. Was hiding it of course because I didn't want the kids to know.  Finished the bottle off on Sunday night…. I remember calling and talking to Linda but I really don’t remember much after that.  I woke up Monday morning… this is what I saw… phone on my bed (that was unusual… the base was on my night stand and I always hang it up) open (empty bottle of tequila on my bathroom sink, open bottle of sleeping pills (pills still in them) on my bed….

 

I made a phone call to Linda that night… guessing after I polished off the bottle… I don’t remember it but the next day she told me I had told her I couldn't do this anymore… somewhere in the conversation I hung up one her… NOT something I would normally do… not sure why but she says I did… I know from what I saw when I woke up that I was in a desperate place… the pills were still in the bottle so I know I didn't take any (or maybe not too many) but the idea that I planned to was enough for me… I remember feeling worthless… like I failed again… and so tired of feeling this way. There have been several times in my life I wanted it to just STOP!!  I wanted the pain to just STOP…. I wanted the heartache to just STOP!!! I don’t WANT to die but I want things to JUST STOP!!  I passed out that night and I cannot remember most of what happened… to me this was the final blow…. This was the confirming idea that I was out of control and if I continued this way my life was going to end up in a real mess or my kids were going to end up without their mother. If I didn't change I knew I was going to die.

2^nd treatment was the same… intensive outpatient 3 months/3 nights a wk/3 hrs a night. I actually ended up doing 4 months I think… wasn't ready to leave treatment… went into aftercare treatment for 5 months.  Visited treatment off and on when I felt like I needed it. I am so thankful for Brenda… my counselor all 3 groups…. My friend now!!  I met a lot of people that I came to admire in treatment… one of those is Roberta… from first group… still friends and what an amazing and encouraging woman she is!!!

I have to say through ALL of this one question I have been asked by far the most is this: 

“Was it really that bad?” 

My question is “HOW BAD DOES IT HAVE TO BE FOR ONE TO SEEK TREATMENT?” 

            

If you drink and you drink often and you drink a lot my guess is there is an issue that you need to look at.  Alcoholics don’t always fit the ‘norm’ or what people ‘expect’ of them….

for example.

I would guess that the vast majority of the time I drank most people would not even be able to tell I had been drinking or that I was drunk. I held down a job almost the entire time I was drinking… rarely missed work due to alcohol… had NO legal trouble because of it… never had DUI though I am ashamed to say I should have several times!!  I maintained a home for my kids…. Not perfect but they were taken care of… their needs were met. With the exception of the Back Door Lounge I hardly ever went out to drink.  Did drink with meals when I would go out for supper if it was available. 

There are a lot of reasons I felt shame… mostly because I felt like it was out of my control… once I started there was no stopping. I even was to the point where I would drink before going to work… just a little to get my day going… there were several times I drank before going to church!!  How sick is that???  I would have a drink before going to any family gatherings or events. IF I was around people who I knew liked to drink and approved of me drinking I was in my glory… how sick is that??

 

Was it REALLY that bad??? How bad do you have to be???? 

If you drink and there is a history of alcoholism in your families you are at risk…. If you drink and your tolerance is increasing and you can’t control your intake you have a problem!!  If people would realize that it doesn't take much to be ‘that bad’. 

When I look back NOW here is what I see…. I was always sick… I had stomach issues for as long as I can remember. Pretty sure most of it was due to drinking… some of it is due to anxiety/stress but mostly due to the booze. Since I have been clean for 2 yrs now I do not have the same stomach problems.  Stress/anxiety bring on stomach aches but it’s not quite the same.  I am healthier now… gained weight… I can actually eat almost like normal… I am happier (less stress/anxiety)… my relationship with my kids is so much better.  They are my rocks… they keep me going… they are my greatest encouragers!!!  There are still things I need to work on and address… I am far from being where I need to be!!

I still struggle with heartache and pain… not always handled in good ways… no booze but other bad habits crop up. It’s a work in progress…. It’s ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Will share more of the 'feelings/thoughts' behind the drinking at a later time.

Moving forward...

Sitting and thinking... sometimes not so good but in this case its a good thing. I have been reading the book "Crash the Chatterbox - hearing God's voice above all others" by Steven Furtick. Also, started watching his sermons that go with the study. I am caught up in this... its like I finally have an answer and the tools I need to overcome this constant barrage of chatter in my head. I felt like there is something wrong with me... this constant noise and voices I hear drive me crazy. I feel like it has kept me in turmoil. BUT now i know how to stop the chatter... how to drown out the noise and replace it with the promises of God and the voice of God. 

I started counseling and started going to a group on Sunday nights called Celebrate Recovery. Tonight will be my second meeting. I am hoping to get a little more of a 'feel' for this group tonight. First night was there one year anniversary so the outline of the meeting was different than they normally have. Also, attending a different group Monday nights but really not in the position to say much as tomorrow will be my first meeting. 

I am also learning to exercise my right to say "NO" when I feel like NO is the right thing to say. In regards to work I exercised saying NO.... it felt good... I rarely do that. I say yes to keep people happy while I am miserable because I want to say no and fail to follow my heart... setting boundaries... learning that my best YES and my best NO are important to my healing.

Moving forward and learning more....

If you hear the chatter and if you struggle with and believe the chatterbox then I highly recommend reading this book and watching the 6 part series on the Crash the Chatterbox Study.

The Reason for the World by Matthew West (with lyrics)

Love this song... sometimes I just want answers for things... at this time I am facing the fact that I may never get what I long for... its okay... its time to just move on and stop expecting answers. But I do long for home... maybe that is why???

My life is again taking some changes. Much needed... I am somewhat nervous/scared but yet somewhat excited to see what God has in store.

Is this the end? or only the beginning?

The second chance
I never thought I'd get

The question is
Will I do something with it
Or spend my days
Lost in my regret

This is the story of my life
I get to decide
How the rest is gonna read
This is my chance between the lines
To redefine what kind of legacy I leave
This is the story of my life
And it's a story worth telling

Breathe in deep
Feel my heart still breathing
Let's go see the reason I am still alive
Oh, I am here
and love is up to something
So taking my fear
and leave it all behind

This is the story of my life
I get to decide
How the rest is gonna read
This is my chance between the lines
To redefine what kind of legacy I will leave
This is the story of my life
And it's a story worth telling

This is the joy
And it's the pain
And all the pages in between
My finest hour
My weakest moment
It where I have been
It's where I am 
It's where I am going

This is the story of my life
I decide
How the rest is gonna read
This is my chance between the lines
To redefine the kind of legacy I will leave
This is the story of my life
Go tell the story of your life
Cause it's a story worth telling
It's worth telling

Is this the end?
Or only the beginning?

this IS the BEGINNING....... The story of my life!!!

Some of Matthew West's music has had an impact on me this week.... "The Reason of the World"  -  "The Story of Your Life"  -  "Waitin' on a Miracle"  -  "The Healing Has Begun"

strong enough????

Change is most often painful... I feel like I have a lot of change coming... pretty sure its not going to be an easy road.

BUT I am reminded...  I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.... 

it is time to 'clean house' and remove some of the 'clutter'...

I have come to realize I have a very addictive personality... if its not booze it is people or things... I feel like it is time to 'clean house' and remove some of the 'clutter'.  

I did a very selfish and stupid thing the other day... it has had serious repercussions for me. This I will share at a later time it is not for today... but it has opened my eyes to the severity of my addictions and my need to make some more changes... and in all honesty my need for serious help.

Leaving facebook is much needed and way overdue... I have contemplated deactivating my account for a long time... and I have taken breaks which ended up being extremely short and useless. I hope people really believe that this decision was not due to any comments on my posts. It is strictly something I know I need to do for ME... 

On the alcohol addiction front... I am about 3 weeks away from being sober for 2 years. A milestone I never thought I would reach... BUT I find my thinking going to alcohol way too often and entertaining the idea of just one drink... no one needs to know... and all the other thoughts that come with it. I find myself thinking that it is just a matter of time before I go back to my old ways. This is scary & very dangerous thinking. IF there is one thing I learned in treatment it is the fact that when you start thinking 'its only a matter of time before I fail' it WILL BE only a matter of time before I fail. I do not want to fail at this!

I have faced some crap in the past 3 years that I really was not prepared to deal with. I continue to face crap... stuff brought on by my actions/choices and stuff brought on by other peoples actions/choices. There is more to face and deal with. In this 'realization' I have come to terms with something about myself... I am an addict!!!  If its not booze it is going to be something else... and at this point I realize it is a person... a relationship/situation I have not been able to let go of. How does facebook play a part in this situation? Well, I am constantly reminded by different quotes and things that I read that I lost someone I loved very deeply and I find myself rehashing it and trying to figure out 'what happened' and the 'whys' of it all... there are no answers to be found... only the thought that I am not good enough and that there must be something wrong with me... regardless of what the 'truth' is... I am stuck... stuck in a place of pain that I no longer want to be stuck in!!!  

Here are a few things I want you to know about me... I have a fragile heart and it is easily damaged. I am sensitive (way too much most of the time). I am careful who I let in and I am careful to not give too much away... I love deeply and forever... I forgive easily (I know how quickly and easily God forgives me... I have no choice but to react that same way). I want to fix things for people and it is usually way out of my control to do so and this has an affect on me that I can't explain. I am also NOT afraid to share the 'real me' any more!! I am not afraid to admit my failures and shortcomings... I am not afraid to admit I am a sinner and what my sins are... sins brought out of the darkness bring healing and forgiveness.

Hidden sins remain...

FYI:  If you intend to follow me and read my blog I must WARN you.... you will most likely encounter swear words at points of time... I know most people don't understand this but I am telling you now it is part of who I am and I will not apologize for it. When GOD deals with me on this issue I will let you know... I would love to get comments and have some interaction on here... I will try not to get offended and try not to offend.  

Back to the 12 Steps...

Big Book: page 69... "We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it."

I don't know how you 'the reader' feels about this paragraph but for me it's a very difficult one to put into action... writing down all your defects... taking a moral inventory... listing the good things about yourself if you can even begin to see what those things are... so how does one REALLY accomplish this goal honestly and effectively????  I am still looking for the answer to this question!

When I go to bed at night and my mind starts to quiet I think about my day... review the things that happened and wonder where I was resentful, selfish, dishonest, afraid, hopeless, angry, self seeking, hateful,... this list goes on and on. What could I have done better? Do I owe apologies? What am I still keeping to myself that I should share with another person? What could I have done better? Most often I make my review and decide what I could have done different... I seek God's forgiveness and ask for direction from Him.

When I awake in the mornings I think about the 24 hours ahead (I try very very hard to just focus on today but it doesn't always work that way for me) another fault I need to continue to work on. As I consider my plans for the day (do I work... am I off & what can I do to get things accomplished at home... is there someone I can visit with whom I can encourage and find encouragement... how do I fit others into my day when I just want to be alone? I ask God to direct my thinking. I want to be free of so many of the things that weigh me down... self pity, self seeking behavior!!! I long for my thinking to be free from wrong motives. I long for answers that I don't feel I am getting... I long for answers to my whys & what ifs. 

I feel so completely exhausted most of the time... I get plenty of sleep (usually a very good sleep) occasionally my sleep is disrupted by horrible dreams and as of lately dreams of drinking... I long for a job that pays well & allows me to have health/retirement benefits without a physically exhausting labor... I long for a quiet - peaceful mind... I long for someone to share in all these things.

I would be lying if I said I don't think about drinking OFTEN... It has definitely lessened the amount of time that the thoughts come but they still come... when I am tired (which is so much of the time) and feeling let down or upset... the thoughts come... "just one drink - no one has to know - one drink to just numb yourself - just one drink"... I know where that ONE drink leads so I avoid it.... so then I think maybe it's just time to work the 12 steps again... go through my book, read the highlights and the notes, read my journals from treatment, look at my usage history and my goals, read the assignments the kids had to do in the family education and then just re-evaluate everything.  

Walking through Grief

I guess it is time to write again... I have a lot of thoughts going through my head and they just won't leave me alone so time to put them down in writing... this writing is about GRIEF and what it means to me.

Definition of grief: Keen mental suffering or distress of affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret... in this instance keen is defined as sharp or penetrating.  So grief is sharp and penetrating mental suffering or distress of affliction or loss... sharp sorrow, painful regret.

Many years ago... back in 1998 I was in a bookstore... I'm sure at that time it was the Rainbow Shop (Parable Christian Store) but I am not certain of the store... but very certain of the book that stood out to me... I guess I have often said it "jumped off the shelf"... it was at that time a life saving thing for me. At that time I was recently divorced - living 1000 miles from my home - raising 2 babies on my own - and feeling like my whole world had just fallen apart. The book? Fresh Start by Thomas Whiteman, PH.D. and Randy Petersen. The subject? Overcoming grief. Somewhere along the way I accepted and overcame that particular loss... I am so thankful for that book. I loaned it to someone years ago and never got it back. I am hoping someone received help and comfort from those pages.

I recently ran across it at Amazon... bought it (really cheap) and have since read it again... This book is about a fresh start... a fresh start after a loss of a loved one, loss of relationship, loss of job, loss of a church/church family... the list goes on... there really are no limits to grief and to why a person decides they need a fresh start.

Here are the Fresh Start principles:
#1: Rely on God, but take responsibility for you own wholeness.
#2: The healing process involves stages.
#3: Healing takes time.
#4: Healing is a slippery slope.
#5: Forgiveness is essential but elusive.
#6: Your view of yourself affects how you relate to others.
#7: Your healing can be helped or hurt by the company you keep.
#8: You complete your fresh start by helping others.

I have to be honest I do not know where I am on this new journey. After almost 3 years of treatment and recovery I still find myself healing and I am so tired of being in this stage. The loss of alcohol has been extremely painful. I know this sounds quite stupid but let me say it is nonetheless true! Alcohol was my escape... from many things but mostly from feeling... this was my coping mechanism... this was my comfort!! It has been painful learning to cope without it and to learn new coping skills in the process of this loss. Yes... LOSS... the death of a loved one is so comparable... I know because I suffered a major loss 2 1/2 years ago when my dad died... this was tragic... his was the first major loss I have experienced to death besides grandparents and aunts & uncles. After all this time it still doesn't feel 'real' to me. Then there was the loss of a job that I loved... it was a very unhealthy place for me and my sobriety so I had to get out of it... another major and painful loss... and then there is Mitch. Why am I still hung up on him and this dream of what could have been? I ask myself this question repeatedly... I feel like this is beyond my ability to just let go of... why? Well, I guess I still believe I heard from God that this was the man I prayed for... was it really God? I don't know any more... I do question it. It was something I truly believed and I felt like he believed it too... I believe God spoke to his heart too that this was a God thing and then he just bailed on me (on us) on me & God!  And all I can say at this point is it is unresolved in my heart. So... here I am at a point in my life where I needed to read this book again. I need to ponder the 8 principles. I am, I believe, in that slippery slope.... trying & wanting to get up on the side of Acceptance & Forgiveness. 

Here is an image of the slippery slope: ps... I made this using paint.net so its not a perfect copy from the book ;-) 

so I feel I am somewhere either in the depression stage or rising up the acceptance & forgiveness side of this deep pit! I am tired... exhausted is a better word... ready for another FRESH START!!  

The grieving process... how long will it take? Well, it is different for every person and different for every situation. Time heals. If you have been injured, whether it be physically or emotionally it takes time to heal properly. My prayer is that I come out with a new understanding of myself. That I find balance in my life. And that some how I can help someone else through their grief and struggles. 

God doesn't use us in spite of our down times but because of them.

If you are struggling in any area where you feel you need a fresh start... if you need to work through the grieving process for any reason I highly recommend this book... If you just want more info on each of the principle just let me know... I have been thinking about doing a in depth study of these principles... so questions are welcomed!!! 

thanks for reading!!

I don't think pain goes away...

I don’t think pain goes away. I think we make room for it. With time, love forgiveness and healing, it eventually takes up less room. Not until then, are we able to fill up that space with a sense of peace and joy in our heart and soul.

-Brigitte Nicole

I so agree with this quote. I have known pain and I feel like what pain I have experienced I still have to some degree... but eventually other things fill that space and it becomes less and less but I am not convinced it goes away totally.

For example.. 

the loss of a loved one to death... the pain of that loss is there each time you think about that person. Does it get better... yes, because you learn to deal with that feeling of loss... you know they are gone and you know you can't have them back in this life but they are still gone and you still feel that pain. After almost 3 years I still miss my dad horribly and still feel the sting of that loss and still find it hard to believe he is gone. I can't imagine loosing a child... I imagine this is a pain you carry the rest of your life as a parent!!  

the loss of a loved one due to a failed marriage... felt the sting of that one too. It was one that I knew I needed to walk away from. My first love... even with the abusive situation I loved this man. I know he had issues and I know he could not overcome them on his own but I couldn't get him through them either. The help he needed he wouldn't admit to or accept. He has suffered a lot of losses to this issue and as far as I know is still dealing with this. Another failed marriage after ours... that is a pain you must carry always too... knowing you have issues but not having the courage to address them. In my case its a loss of a husband and a loss of my children's father. My kids feel this pain when they see families together and dad's loving on their kids... this is a pain that stings them down deep even though I know they would never say it to me. 

the loss of a loved one because they walked away... for whatever reason. I am sure knowing the reason would cause pain but NOT knowing the reason causes a hurt I can't even explain. Do I blame me? Yes, to some degree I do... Does he have issues?? Undoubtedly!!!  BUT does he feel the sting of that pain as well. I certainly like to think so and I certainly like to think he regrets his choice!!!  

there are a lot of 'what if's'  & 'what could have been' pains in a persons life and when something makes you stop and reflect on them you once again feel the sting of some pain.

there are so many different senerios that could be covered under this subject but I am saying all of this to make this point... pain is a part of life and there is really NO WAY to avoid it. Pain can make us grow and pain can make us see things in a different light. Pain should make us reach to our Lord and Savior if we really believe that He has our best in mind. I am a firm believer that God does not CAUSE our pain!!  God does not take our loved ones away from us... He does not cause anyone to have sickness... and He doesn't cause the pain... pain is a result of sin... pain is a result of others actions in some cases.  

Every choice we make has a result good or bad on someone!!!  We notice the bad more quickly... but do we do what needs to be done as a result of pain?  Do we choose to still love the Lord after feeling pain?  Do we choose to forgive the offender of our pain? Do we get up out of bed and live our life to the fullest after we have a major painful experience?  

What we do in our pain and with our pain is important to healing.... Life goes on in the midst of our most painful experiences!!!  

I feel free...

It has been quite some time since I blogged. I have not spent much of my time thinking about sobriety or alcohol or struggles.... I feel like I have finally succeeded in getting past some of this stuff that kept me bound up in turmoil. I haven't felt the 'urge to drink' in a long time... I haven't felt stressed enough to have those thoughts or maybe my thoughts just don't go there any more.

I finally feel free.... I am finally LIVING!!!

This month will mark 20 months sober. Something I am extremely proud of!!! I feel so much better both physically and mentally.

I took the plunge and completely stopped my depression and anxiety meds. I do NOT recommend this for just anyone... please be careful if you decide to do this!! I was taking 30mg of Lexapro for depression and 15mg of Buspirone for anxiety. Did they help? I think they served their purpose for a time. They helped me cope and get through the hardest part of my recovery... but I found myself feeling like I was in a constant fog... I truly felt like I was looking at my body from the outside... I felt like an outsider in my own skin... I had problems sleeping and concentrating... I felt 'dysfunctional'... I TRULY felt CRAZY!!! There are more things that went along with this... paranoia, mood swings, suicidal thoughts, & physical hunger (that wasn't satisfied).

I believe these meds can be good when a person needs them but for me as I said they served their purpose and it was time to be done with them. I wanted to have a clear mind. I wanted to know that my thoughts were MY thoughts and not altered for one reason or another. I wanted to feel different than I have for the past 30 years. My mind was altered for so long by alcohol that I think the meds were just a different version of that mind altering experience.

I decided to do this on my own... I didn't want to go through my Dr. or my psychologist (at heartview) because I knew what both of them were going to say...  Dr would say "I need information from heartview and we need to talk about this"... psychologist at heartview would say 'You should really continue with them for another year".  NO... this is my decision... I talked to a few people who I trust to give me honest feed back... I told my kids what I planned to do. Made sure they knew so that if something happened to me physically they would know what was going on. I read up on how to come off of them because I know it can cause serious problems and there would be withdrawal.  After reading numerous articles I decided to just taper off... gave myself a couple of weeks of 1/2 doses... then went to every other day for a couple more weeks... then went to skipping days until I felt like I 'needed' a fix.. took about 6 weeks total and I was finally off both of them.

I was so amazed at how much better my body felt even after a few weeks. But after the 6 weeks I was even more amazed how much clearer my mind was.. I felt like the 'fog lifted' and I cried less!! I am not much of a crier anyway but it seemed like I was bawling all the time about something!!  I was also gaining weight and was not happy about it... I know I am NOT fat but I truly don't want to get fat and I know too many people on lexapro that have weight issues. I had lost a lot of weight about 2 yrs ago.... right after treatment and moving to Missouri. I have since gained that weight back and then some.

I feel very healthy right now at this point in my life. I have a clear mind... I think it is pretty 'sound' ;-) I do not feel so CRAZY any more. I have not had stomach issues in over a year. I don't cry quite as easy as I did there for awhile and NO suicidal thoughts!!!

I have dealt with what I would consider a tremendous hurt or heartbreak... far more painful than anything I have experienced before. So what happened??  I still don't really know... he decided he was not ready... and I didn't get a say in the matter!!  I didn't get a warning or an explanation... I still try to reach out to him but it is really in vain.

Last night I had a good talk with the Lord... I have finally accepted that IF it was God then God has to continue the work He started... IF I heard wrong then I pray God shows me this fact and helps me to accept it. OR helps me to see the 'real purpose in it'. 

So... here it is.... this is me totally free of any mind altering substances.  Crazy??  maybe!!!  Is pain really a part of growth? Yes, I believe it is. Sometimes pain makes us look deeper inside and deal with things on a new level. I am okay with being alone... it is a comfortable place and I am satisfied at this point in my life. Would I take a chance on love again??  That my friends has been a tough question to answer... probably yes!! But hopefully I learned to not jump in with both feet!! I keep thinking that maybe this 'relationship' was just to show me that I could fall in love again and could trust someone again. I guess if that is "ALL" this was for then it was worth it.

Why did I share this?  well, I guess there are a few reasons.  #1: I am proud of my sobriety/recovery. I am very close to being clean 2 years! That my friends is a huge accomplishment for me!!!  #2: if there is just one person that reads this and feels encouraged to reach out to someone they let go or to look their depression/anxiety in the face and reach out for medical help then it is worth it.

Depression is such a serious thing and if you are living in that darkness you know there is NO WAY OUT on your own... you need Divine Intervention!!  BUT here is what I have learned... God is not always going to just pluck us out of that darkness... there are things we need to do... things we need to face and things we need take control of.  IF that means going to a medical Dr or a Psychologist for meds than DO IT!! You don't have to stay on meds forever... there are even some GREAT alternatives to meds... I am extremely impressed with my doTERRA oils and what they have done for me in the short time I have been using them... there are options people!! BUT sitting in that darkness is NOT the answer!!  Get out of there!!!! I think it starts by reaching out to someone you trust to say "this is where I am and I don't know how to get out"

Life has so much to offer us... even in the midst of despair... God has a plan!!!

8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF 

Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:

1.  Pain is part of growing.

Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward.  And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to.  When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.  Just because you’re struggling doesn't mean you’re failing.  Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there.  Good things take time.  Stay patient and stay positive.  Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.

Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you.  When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

2.  Everything in life is temporary.

Every time it rains, it stops raining.  Every time you get hurt, you heal.  After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever.  It won’t.  Nothing lasts forever.

So if things are good right now, enjoy it.  It won’t last forever.  If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either.  Just because life isn't easy at the moment, doesn't mean you can’t laugh.  Just because something is bothering you, doesn't mean you can’t smile.  Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending.  You get a second chance, every second.  You just have to take it and make the best of it.  (Read The Last Lecture.)

3.  Worrying and complaining changes nothing.

Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.  It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.  It’s not over if you've lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it.  If you believe in something, keep trying.  Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future.  Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter.  Take action instead.  Let what you've learned improve how you live.  Make a change and never look back.

And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.

4.  Your scars are symbols of your strength.

Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed.  It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward.  A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of.  Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage.  Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear.  You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them.  You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.

Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars.  See your scars as a sign of “YES!  I MADE IT!  I survived and I have my scars to prove it!  And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”

5.  Every little struggle is a step forward.

In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it.  So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way.  Otherwise, there’s no point in starting.  This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion.  It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end.  It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills.  It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar.  It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers.  It could mean lots of time alone in solitude.  Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible.  It gives you the space you need.  Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.

And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds.  And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine.  You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path.  And it’s worth it.  So if you’re going to try, go all the way.  There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

6.  Other people’s negativity is not your problem.

Be positive when negativity surrounds you.  Smile when others try to bring you down.  It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus.  When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.  You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you.  They do things because of them.

Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough.  Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future.  People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it.  So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think.  If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it.  Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.

All jokes aside, your life only comes around once.  This is IT.  So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.

7.  What’s meant to be will eventually, BE.

True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.  There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them.  You can’t force things to happen.  You can only drive yourself crazy trying.  At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.

In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience.  It’s a long-term journey.  You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way.  Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds.  You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.  (Read A New Earth.)

8.  The best thing you can do is to keep going.

Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.  Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart.  Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t.  When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right.  Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.

Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher.  Find the strength to laugh every day.  Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  Find it in your heart to make others smile too.  Don’t stress over things you can’t change.  Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Work diligently.  And even if you fall short, keep going.  Keep growing.

Awake every morning and do your best to follow this daily TO-DO list:

1. Think positively.
2. Eat healthy.
3. Exercise today.
4. Worry less.
5. Work hard.
6. Laugh often.
7. Sleep well.

Repeat…

The floor is yours…

What helps you stay motivated when you’re struggling?  What’s something positive you try to keep in mind when everything seems to be going wrong?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

5 Things You Should Know About Letting Go

POST WRITTEN BY: MARC CHERNOFF 

Even after you let go, the past is still part of who you are.  Every one of us lives in the present and makes choices based on some part of the past.  This fact is simply unavoidable.  You are only able to read these words right now because of your past.  Your brain relates past experiences (or learned knowledge) to these words.

All forms of learning rely on your ability to continually reference the past.  If you think about it, many wise decisions you have made leading to this very moment were created through recalling what did or did not work in the past.  You are only able to do what you can now because of what you learned.  For instance, you only recognize a friend when she walks into the room because you reference a past connection with her.  In this way, you are using the past effectively.

But when you start behaving ineffectively because you think, “this is the way it has always been,” problems arise.  Old traditions may be useful, or they may stifle your progress and growth.  It all depends on how relevant they are to the present.  It’s your job to make this determination.

We talk about letting go of the past and moving on, but what do we really need to leave behind?  Since the past helps us at least as much as it hurts us, how do we know which pieces to discard?

Here are some things I have learned that have helped me:

1.  You are subconsciously matching patterns from the past with the present.

When an experience in your life has emotional significance, it gets tagged in your brain as being important.  When the emotional experience is tragic, it triggers your brain’s fear mechanism, which tells your brain to remain on the lookout for any future conditions that vaguely remind you of this tragic experience (it does this to protect you from future harm).  Your brain then tries to match new experiences with the original one.  But depending on how emotionally attached you are to the original experience, it can lead to ‘false pattern matches’ which will inevitably lead you astray.

For example:

• A muscular man assaulted you, so now you find it hard to trust all muscular men.
• An old boss verbally harassed you, so now you have trouble respecting a totally new boss or different authoritative figure.
• Etc.

Again, these false pattern matches occur whenever you respond negatively and over-emotionally to a particular experience.  And it all happens subconsciously too.  Logically, you know that all muscular men are completely different human beings, but emotionally you respond as if they are one.

If you feel that you are stuck because you can’t move beyond a past experience, then your brain is relating to it as if it’s still happening right now, which means it’s matching patterns improperly in the present.  Here’s a two-step solution that might help:

1. Ask yourself:  “What specific past experience and associated feelings do my current feelings remind me of?”  Dig deep and be honest with yourself.
2. Once you have determined the origin of your current feelings, list all the ways your current circumstances differs from the past (the original experience) – this should include the places, people, and details that caused you pain and discomfort.  Review the differences over and over again until you have them completely memorized.  This should help you realize and remember that circumstances have indeed changed.  (ReadThinking, Fast and Slow.)

2.  Your subconscious mind forgets that your capabilities have grown.

Zookeepers typically strap a thin metal chain to a grown elephant’s leg, and then attach the other end to a small wooden peg that’s hammered into the ground.  The 10-foot tall, 10,000-pound elephant could easily snap the chain and uproot the wooden peg, and escape to freedom with minimal effort.  But it doesn’t.  In fact the elephant never even tries.  The world’s most powerful land animal, which can uproot a tree as easily as you could break a toothpick, remains defeated by a small wooden peg and a flimsy chain.

Why?

Because when the elephant was a baby, its trainers used the exact same methods to domesticate it.  A thin chain was strapped around its leg and the other end of the chain was tied to a wooden peg in the ground.  At the time, the chain and peg were strong enough to restrain the baby elephant.  When it tried to break away, the metal chain would pull it back.  Sometimes, tempted by the world it could see in the distance, the elephant would pull harder.  But the chain would not budge, and soon the baby elephant realized trying to escape was not possible.  So it stopped trying.

And now that the elephant is all grown up, it sees the chain and the peg and it remembers what it learned as a baby – the chain and peg are impossible to escape.  Of course, this is no longer true, but it doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter that the 200-pound baby is now a 10,000 pound powerhouse.  The elephant’s self-limiting beliefs prevail.

If you think about it, we are all like elephants.  We all have incredible power inside us.  And of course, we have our own chains and pegs – the self-limiting beliefs that hold us back.  Sometimes it’s a childhood experience or an early failure.  Sometimes it’s something we were told when we were younger.  We need to learn from the past, but be ready to update what we learned based on how our circumstances have changed (as they constantly do).

Here are two things to consider:

• If you suspect you are currently living your life (or parts of it) through the conditioning of self-limiting beliefs you developed in the past, remind yourself of what is different now in terms of circumstances and your own capabilities.  What has changed?
• Examine what you have learned from past adversity that can actually help you now.  Rather than just regretting stuff, question specifically how it has helped you grow.  Has your past equipped you to be determined, self-reliant, perceptive, tough, aware, compassionate, etc.?  Focus on what you have gained rather than lost from adverse past experiences.

3.  Progress of any kind feels uncomfortable at first.

Nothing starts easy; everything begins at some level of difficulty.  Even waking up in the morning sometimes requires notable effort.  But one beautiful thing about life is the fact that the most difficult challenges are often the most rewarding and satisfying in the long run.

The really tough job interviews that lead to huge career advancements.  The first few awkward words exchanged on first dates that lead to successful relationships.  The excruciating training that leads hopeful Olympians to gold medal placements.  None of these successful outcomes started from a place of comfort and ease.

Far too many people are fearful of the unknown, comfy with putting in the least amount of effort, and not willing to put up with short-term pain for long-term gain.  Don’t be one of them – you know better than that.  You know that growth and progress require discomfort.  Every time you stretch your emotional, intellectual, and physical muscle groups, discomfort arises just before progress is made.

In all walks of life, by committing to continuous, small uncomfortable steps forward, you are able to sidestep the biggest barrier to positive change:  Fear.

Also, remember that growth begins at the end of your comfort zone.  Not only is it important to accept the discomfort of taking steps forward, it is also necessary to let go of comfortable routines and situations from the past.  Holding on to the way things were, prevents you from growing into who you are now, and who you are capable of being.  (Angel and I discuss in more detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

4.  The past did not provide your only opportunity for happiness.

Reminiscing about great past times is always a pleasure, so long as reviewing these past times is not used as a way of emphasizing how terrible the present is by contrast.  If you start living in the past to such a great extent that the opportunities in the present are ignored, you have a problem.  For instance, if you don’t even give a potential new partner a chance simply because you “know” they could never live up to your perfect lover from the past… this is a huge warning sign.

Feeling that the past was a golden age of seamless perfection – a time of infinite happiness – is not an accurate assessment of reality.  Comparing this idealized retrospection with the present can lead you to believe the present can never be a happy place, thus preventing you from enjoying the moment and looking forward to the next.

Here are two practices that might be helpful:

• To help you feel better about specific situations in the present, you might close your eyes, relax, and focus on a wonderful past time, and then imagine yourself drifting into the present with all those good feelings from the past.  These things did happen and they are worth celebrating.  This can help you actually use the positive points from the past rather than bemoan their passing.
• Look for any ways that the present might actually be better than the past, however slight.  Even if it’s simply that you have learned from the past and are now in a better place to make future decisions.

The bottom line is that life needs to continue right up until the moment you die.  If at a certain point all you do is look back, you have, in effect, stopped living.  You need to resist the trap of believing the past was so perfect that the present cannot be appreciated at all.  (Read Authentic Happiness.)

5.  Nothing can be expected, and nothing is indefinitely certain.

You need to understand that none of us are playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.  Life always finds its balance.  Don’t expect to get back everything you give.  Don’t expect recognition for every effort you make.  And don’t expect your genius to be instantly recognized or your love to be understood by everyone you encounter.

There are things you don’t want to happen, but have to accept, things you don’t want to know, but have to learn, and people and circumstances you can’t live without but have to let go.  Some things come into your life just to strengthen you, so you can move on without them.

As you live and experience things, you must recognize what belongs and what doesn’t, what works and what doesn’t, and then let things go when you know you should.  Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because not everything is supposed to fit into your life.  So close the door on the past, change the tune, clean your inner space, and get rid of the dust.  Stop being who you once were so you can become who you are today.

It’s time to open the next chapter of your life.

Afterthoughts

Oftentimes letting go has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength.  We let go and move on with our lives not because we want the friends, family, and the universe to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.

So stop focusing on the negatives and everything that could go wrong, and start thinking of what could go right.  Better yet, think of everything that already is right.  Be thankful for nights that turned into mornings, friends that turned into family, and past dreams and goals that turned into realities.  And use this mindset of positivity to fuel an even brighter today and tomorrow.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What have you had to let go of, and what did it teach you?  Please share your insights with the community by leaving a comment below.