This time of year is so hard to get through... November - February. My kids give me hope and help me to enjoy it to a degree. Beyond that I just wish we didn't have to even go through them.
3 big things that happened this time of year in my that I am already thinking about...
My dad died on Dec. 23... going to be 3 years!! So hard to believe.
Jan 1 1997 - I took the kids and left Joe. The FINAL time. Started a whole new life. One of the most painful things I ever did... I truly loved that man but couldn't handle the pain that he brought to us. Every year is a reminder of the loss/failure... but its also a reminder of strength.
Then the relationship I thought was 'the one' started and ended Jan-Feb. Still not completely past this for some reason. It crushes me to think that he is just believing lies of the enemy... I don't know what else to do?? I don't know why my heart still just aches???
BUT life goes on... even through loss... through anxiety... through pain... and we go on the best we can.
I wish I could make people understand the anxiety these months bring to me... I know some don't understand why I want to just stay home... its nothing against anyone... it just works better for me. I don't sit home feeling bad... I sit home feeling comfort. I have always loved to just be at home... this is my comfortable place. I try to go out and I always 'make it' but its not easy. Used to drink to get through that time too and it helped... now that isn't an option ;-).
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