Walking through Grief

I guess it is time to write again... I have a lot of thoughts going through my head and they just won't leave me alone so time to put them down in writing... this writing is about GRIEF and what it means to me.

Definition of grief: Keen mental suffering or distress of affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret... in this instance keen is defined as sharp or penetrating.  So grief is sharp and penetrating mental suffering or distress of affliction or loss... sharp sorrow, painful regret.

Many years ago... back in 1998 I was in a bookstore... I'm sure at that time it was the Rainbow Shop (Parable Christian Store) but I am not certain of the store... but very certain of the book that stood out to me... I guess I have often said it "jumped off the shelf"... it was at that time a life saving thing for me. At that time I was recently divorced - living 1000 miles from my home - raising 2 babies on my own - and feeling like my whole world had just fallen apart. The book? Fresh Start by Thomas Whiteman, PH.D. and Randy Petersen. The subject? Overcoming grief. Somewhere along the way I accepted and overcame that particular loss... I am so thankful for that book. I loaned it to someone years ago and never got it back. I am hoping someone received help and comfort from those pages.

I recently ran across it at Amazon... bought it (really cheap) and have since read it again... This book is about a fresh start... a fresh start after a loss of a loved one, loss of relationship, loss of job, loss of a church/church family... the list goes on... there really are no limits to grief and to why a person decides they need a fresh start.

Here are the Fresh Start principles:
#1: Rely on God, but take responsibility for you own wholeness.
#2: The healing process involves stages.
#3: Healing takes time.
#4: Healing is a slippery slope.
#5: Forgiveness is essential but elusive.
#6: Your view of yourself affects how you relate to others.
#7: Your healing can be helped or hurt by the company you keep.
#8: You complete your fresh start by helping others.

I have to be honest I do not know where I am on this new journey. After almost 3 years of treatment and recovery I still find myself healing and I am so tired of being in this stage. The loss of alcohol has been extremely painful. I know this sounds quite stupid but let me say it is nonetheless true! Alcohol was my escape... from many things but mostly from feeling... this was my coping mechanism... this was my comfort!! It has been painful learning to cope without it and to learn new coping skills in the process of this loss. Yes... LOSS... the death of a loved one is so comparable... I know because I suffered a major loss 2 1/2 years ago when my dad died... this was tragic... his was the first major loss I have experienced to death besides grandparents and aunts & uncles. After all this time it still doesn't feel 'real' to me. Then there was the loss of a job that I loved... it was a very unhealthy place for me and my sobriety so I had to get out of it... another major and painful loss... and then there is Mitch. Why am I still hung up on him and this dream of what could have been? I ask myself this question repeatedly... I feel like this is beyond my ability to just let go of... why? Well, I guess I still believe I heard from God that this was the man I prayed for... was it really God? I don't know any more... I do question it. It was something I truly believed and I felt like he believed it too... I believe God spoke to his heart too that this was a God thing and then he just bailed on me (on us) on me & God!  And all I can say at this point is it is unresolved in my heart. So... here I am at a point in my life where I needed to read this book again. I need to ponder the 8 principles. I am, I believe, in that slippery slope.... trying & wanting to get up on the side of Acceptance & Forgiveness. 

Here is an image of the slippery slope: ps... I made this using paint.net so its not a perfect copy from the book ;-) 

so I feel I am somewhere either in the depression stage or rising up the acceptance & forgiveness side of this deep pit! I am tired... exhausted is a better word... ready for another FRESH START!!  

The grieving process... how long will it take? Well, it is different for every person and different for every situation. Time heals. If you have been injured, whether it be physically or emotionally it takes time to heal properly. My prayer is that I come out with a new understanding of myself. That I find balance in my life. And that some how I can help someone else through their grief and struggles. 

God doesn't use us in spite of our down times but because of them.

If you are struggling in any area where you feel you need a fresh start... if you need to work through the grieving process for any reason I highly recommend this book... If you just want more info on each of the principle just let me know... I have been thinking about doing a in depth study of these principles... so questions are welcomed!!! 

thanks for reading!!